Drudge match

cropped-saints-picked.jpgEveryone’s got their definition of “news.” At Real News, the test is: Does this story influence American culture? Is is it likely to reverberate into the future?

With that in mind, we test the Drudge report on a particularly slow news day: the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  We provide links only for the ones that pass our test.

Drudge definitely has favorite topics. He’s never met a volcano, earthquake or hurricane he didn’t like. Gruesome murders are always in vogue. Sharks and snakes abound, and dogs are always saving their imperiled masters. On a planet containing 6 billion people, he searches the wires for bizarre behavior in Lahore, Siberia, Botswana or wherever the hell he can find it. Wealthy celebrities are forever in vogue. Climate change is either a gross exaggeration or an outright hoax. And California, with all its liberals, is the most dreadful place on Planet Earth.

Of the 50-plus Drudge stories, we found three worth linking. Here are the stories as Drudge presented them, and the reasons we don’t consider them newsworthy.

fake-news

CRUNCH TIME: Congress coming back to crush of business
PAPER: Police Depts Team Up For Weinstein Take Down…
LAPD chief expects more high-profile allegations…
28 open sex-crime investigations linked to Hollywood…
REPORTER: Marlon Brando harassed me in shower…
(The above are anticipatory. Little to nothing has actually happened. The only possible “news” concerns a long-dead actor.)

George H.W. Bush becomes longest-living president in history …
(So what?)

Putin signs ‘foreign agents’ media law…
German far-right relishes its power as Merkel struggles…
(Stale news in a foreign country.)

UPDATE: Ivanka Trump, Chelsea Clinton, defend Obama daughter over video…
(Stale news in America.)

BOOM: Black Friday, Thanksgiving online sales climb to record high…
Smartphones sales smash records…
(If it’s predictable, it’s not news.)

Pigs Blamed For Starting Deadly Barn Fire…
(Always alert for news of arsonist pigs.)

Mueller record shows surprising flaws…
MORE Leaks…
Big Challenge to Find Fair Jury…
(Anticipatory and probably prejudicial. A Trump booster, Drudge will go out of his way to throw shade on the Mueller investigation.)

Vegas looks outside casinos to draw in millennials…
This one’s a keeper. The Overlords of Vegas finally realize young people are mesmerized by their casinos. Zip lines? Now you’re talking.

New ISIS Threat Against Vatican…
(The daily yawner. ISIS threatens everybody every day.)

Exorcists on call amid surge in private treatment for demonic possession…
(And you thought the pig arsonist story was bad.)

Couple caught having sex on train platform…
(Drudge had to go all the way to Australia for this one.)

Iran threatens to put Europe in missile range…
(Maybe, possibly, perhaps, says this story from a scaremongering Brit tabloid.)

Fresno offering special authority over taxes in exchange for AMAZON HQ2…
Actually a thoughtful roundup of the crazy ways American cities have come up with to bribe Amazon. Yes, American culture is ever moving in the direction of paying companies to stay or relocate.

THE $100 BILLION MAN!
(Bezos. Just can’t get enough of these rich guys, can we? What are George Soros and Warren Buffett doing today?)

DEMS RISING: Big Blue Wave Forming Off Political Coast?
Lead in generic ballot polls worries Republicans…
(Yeah, we were paying attention a couple of weeks ago when this was news.)

Tillerson’s Purge…Diplomats sound the alarms they are pushed out in droves.
This piece from the NYT says things are all shook up at Dep’t of State.

Trump and TIME dispute ‘Person of Year’ plans…
Unhinged coverage of President hurting media…
CNN employees fight back…
‘Journalists’ investigate Sanders’ pie…
(We know Trump’s a demented fool and his “war” on the media is mostly distraction.)

Seattle Space Needle getting $100M ‘lift’…
(Could not be more fascinating. Tell us more)

Dogs face obesity epidemic; Humans killing with kindness…
Canines guard, comfort injured hiker for days in woods…
(When you run out of pig stories…)

After 30 Years, Alarmists STILL Predicting ‘Global Warming’ Apocalypse…
(Red meat for the hounds of anti-science)

List keeps growing: All the powerful accused of sexual misconduct…
(Can’t pound this hard enough, even when there is no actual development.)

PAPER: Imminent risk of turning #metoo moment into blaming all men…
(Informed, authoritative opinion is fine. Blather, not so much.)

Cinnamon to fight obesity…
(Is that all it takes? Why not feed it to the fat dogs cited above?)

DON’T eat food if fly lands on it!
So, when it suits his purpose, Drudge does believe in science. This is definitely an interesting story with implications for everyone.

Brain implants to ‘change moods controlled by AI’ begin HUMAN TESTS…
(Uh huh)

Artist donates feces to gut-busting research…
(The daily shitshow)

Family finds sizable python in toilet…
(A pig, a dog and a snake walk into a newsroom…)

US troops killed in plane crashes skyrockets…
(A “Fox Investigation” based on zero statistical methodology.)

Will elections in Honduras be step forward or another step backward?
Distrust in leaders who linger…
(Shrug)

HORROR: Pastor charged in Thanksgiving Day killing of his family…
(In a nation of 320 million people or so, murders, even horrific ones, happen every single day.  Is there implication here for the direction of American culture? Nope. Don’t think so.)

Robot citizen wants baby…
(I’m not even going to click on that one.)

NYC Comedy Clubs Flourish…
(A pig, a dog, a snake, and a comic walk into a NYC club.)

READINGS: Leaning on Horoscopes to Make Sense of World…
(Exorcisms, horoscopes, where’s Kreskin the Magnificent?)

STUDY: Angry people die sooner…
(More Drudge science! Wow! Now about Global Warming…)

Bali volcano activity prompts ‘red warning’…
Thousands (in Jakarta) Hit With Canceled Flights…
(His favorite subjects: Volcanos and earthquakes in far off lands.)

San Diego Turns Traffic Nightmare…
(AKA, big California cities have traffic jams.)

Anti-Semitism On Rise In Australia…
(… in Australia? Hmmm. What about the US?)

SALON: The case for Hillary 2020…
(Hillary is dead to me, but Drudge would like to keep her alive as a punching bag.)

Battle erupts over control of Manson remains, estate…
(Prefer not to think about Manson’s corpse, thank you.)